Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
