If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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