You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
