hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
