My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
