he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
