Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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