the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
