the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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