She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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