i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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