We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
