You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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