There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
