So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
