In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
