The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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