Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
and you fell through a lawn chair
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
