When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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