is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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