You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
