i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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