Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
