Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
