i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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