4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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