New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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