My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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