he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
