Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
