She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
