Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
