That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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