I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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