I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
