My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
