Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
