Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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