Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
