Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
