the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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