Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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