If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
