It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
