hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
