i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
