Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
