He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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