somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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