Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
